What Do You Do if You Know Someone Is Lying
Perchance you got a "distressing I'g sick" text from a pal you had long standing plans with, merely to see them whooping information technology upwards on the town on social media. Or perchance, far more than seriously, you learned someone you love flat out betrayed your trust. Even so it happens, catching someone in a lie is never, ever fun.
Why do liars feel compelled to lie? For a myriad of reasons. Here's one: They might tell a little white lie to spare someone'south feelings. When groups of people were asked to critique an essay for a 2017 study, researchers found "the relationship betwixt compassion and prosocial lying was partially mediated past an enhanced importance placed on preventing emotional harm." Or, more selfishly, they might lie in order to cover their tracks, get away with something and/or non await like the bad guy.
How do they manage to become away with it? One answer could be found in a report, published in "Memory," that explores a theory toyed with once on "Seinfeld," where George tries to aid Jerry best a lie detector examination with this somewhat accurate bon mot: "Jerry? Just remember…information technology's not a lie if you believe it." Just like an actor committing to a part.
So, what should you do if you think you've heard a lie? Hither are four means to spot a lie and determine whether or not a confrontation is warranted.
Heed to your gut
When nosotros suspect we've been lied to, we might kickoff to look for tells, like avoiding eye contact, changes in routine behavior, and stories and excuses that don't add together upwards. Nonetheless, depending on your position in the state of affairs, it can be easier to ignore the tells in spite of gnawing feelings of suspicion. "In these situations, we tin can very often lie to ourselves and collude in the lie, then it is more than important than e'er to admission our intuition and maintain our integrity," says Dr. Tara Swart, neuroscientist and author of "The Source: Open Your Mind, Change Your Life." "When we wait dorsum, we most often regret not extracting ourselves from a state of affairs based on a lie. Rather we need to look back and know that we relied on our intuition and acted in our best interests. Otherwise self-esteem suffers and we are probable to repeat the aforementioned patterns of behavior," she says.
Examine the motive
Dr. Tim Levine, Distinguished Professor and Chair of Communication Studies at University of Alabama at Birmingham and Global Professor of Communication and Media at Korea University, Seoul, says, when you're confronted with a lie, the best arroyo is look for solid evidence, beginning with motive. What would the liar take to gain by lying to you lot? "Does the person have a reason to lie? If it (what you hear) does not sound plausible and the person might have a motive to lie, then your suspicion might exist warranted. You can always ask them questions equally a exam," Levine explains. In other words, fact cheque the situation by request carefully considered questions that might ostend the lie.
Consider the gravity of the prevarication
Once you've considered possible motive, information technology's time to inquire yourself if it's worth the energy it might take to confront the liar. Is the deception a human relationship bargain billow that eradicates any hope of future trust? Or a white lie told to spare your feelings? If the latter, it might be enough to consider forsaking a confrontation in favor of making a mental note of the situation for hereafter reference.
If you nonetheless want to get to the heart of the matter, Levine tries to affirm his demand for honesty while reserving judgment. "I tell people that I appreciate direct and honest feedback," says Levine. "They tin requite me negative feedback in private and that will save me from greater discomfort later. I let them know that I respect that and won't agree it against them. When I do get negative feedback, I try to respond constructively and not defensively."
Have a heart-to-eye
Swart says, most times, we owe it to ourselves to bargain with deceptions head on. If you decide information technology's worth it, face up the fib flinger to attempt and salvage trust. "It is ameliorate to find out the reasons the white lie was told to be able to maintain trust in the relationship. If it was done for benign reasons, you can choose to develop yourself based on the feedback, and you know you can trust that person in futurity. Trust, one time broken, is very hard to regain."
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Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/what-should-you-do-when-you-catch-someone-lie-ncna961271
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